your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
