chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
