He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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