me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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