I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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