I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
