there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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