Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
