we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
