I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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