Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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