Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
