it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I FOUND THE LEGS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
