yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
