You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
