the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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