Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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