she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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