Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize