You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
