is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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