that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize