Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
