You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize