And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
