A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
