Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
