He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
