The maid of honor just puked.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Still dying that you shit outside
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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