i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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