So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
