Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
