I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
