planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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