i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
