we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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