We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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