I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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