I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
