very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
