i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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