I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
