i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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