So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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