He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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