Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
