Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
