We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
