Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
