They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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