I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
