Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
now i know why i became what i already was.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
