How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
