is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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