More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
