i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize