The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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