I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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