we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
