I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
