i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
