The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She told me I should be a condom model.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
