if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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