All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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