I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
