I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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