I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
