Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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