My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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