We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
