Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
