then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
