so explain again why im purple
no
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize