I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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