thus making me awesome and them whores
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
