last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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