is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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