oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
